Doomonic Rant

Ethics and Honor can only get you so far this is my spin on these GOOD FELLAS.....Mafia Ring Leaders

"Guito Huskatoni"- The Godfather of Wrestling. Oldest and most dangerous crime boss in the south. This wise guy has been known to leave a dead horse's head in the bed of an official when he feels he has been wronged. Knows the inner workings of the system and practically has every important figure in his pocket.Husktoni is connected to some of the most ruthless sh*t that has ever happened in this town. Crimes include; recruiting, falsifying finnacial aid documents, impersonating a priest and gender/race altering. His last whereabouts was Stir Crazy.

"Rocco Vito Balmaseda"- The Lil Don is part of the upstart youth movement to take down the Godfather. Known for a temper that matches his stature this little Pizone' has been linked to several recent burglaries where he and his mafia have snatched valuable members of other mafias and have forced them to join their crime family. He like Huskatoni is connected and seems to be untouchable by the law. Last whereabouts was leaving the Biscayne building where the atrec comittee met. He was also seen with a fist full of hundreds and naked pictures of some older blonde lady.

"Renzo Osorio"- Slowly but surely this little crime boss has worked his way up the ladder and made a name for himself as one of the most ruthless Mafia leaders in town. Leader of the Americano family Renzo has proven that you don't have to be made or connected to be successful in this ugly business. Has been known to kill off members of his own family before big events just to prove that he could win without them. Crimes include Grand larceny from Goleman and Krop HS and pimp slapping a princpal and trepassing in the lakeland center.

"Liam McSoderholm"- This once powerful crime boss grew up in the trailer parks of Dublin and came over to this county and ran some shit for a while. Crime boss turned informant, McSoderholm is one of the most dangerous man in the county. He too must have some naked pictures of someone important for him to get away with the crimes he has commited. His crimes include assault with a deadly hot dog, narking, snitching and throwing rocks while living in a glass house.

"Rocky Pardoa"- Leader of the Cobra cartel this once feared mammoth of a man rose up through the ranks as a hitman. Using his size and martial arts back ground Pardoa intimidates weaker men to change their minds and their calls. Some people believe that Rocky Pardoa may infact be the alias for one of the most sought after criminals of all times. His crimes include; impersonating an offical, illegal alien smuggling and impersonating a superhero.

"Mikail Turnakov"- This crime boss of the Russian Mafia literally made millions from his family's prophalatic company and you would think that this would deter him from a life of crime. Easily recognized in the sunshine state by his pastey white skin, pale blue eyes and torret-like mannerisms, Makail has an uncontrollable obsession with latina women. Ironically enough his lust for these women spawned half of his crime family and was the reason for most of his success in the crime world. Always followed closely by his enforcer Boris Bogdan the two of them could be seen often ranting and raving about how they got screwed. These two together form a lethal mix of testosterone, vodka and anger control issues. Crimes include; Impersonating a soccer daddy, DUI, assualt and battery on an official and womenizing. Last seen leaving Tootsies in a pair of silky jogging pants and with no underwear.

"Joelangelo Mendeciano"- Don't be fooled by his quiet demeanor Joelangelo used to be one of the most tricky and devious crime bosses in the south. About 10 years ago he and his partner Guiseppe Gonzalo were two of the most ruthless and undermining wise guys in town. During the 90's there were many neighborhood turf wars for up and coming hitmen, many of which Joelangelo and Guiseppe landed. Their crime family was very strong and prospering but Guiseppe had a buisness on the side and was taken down in a sting by some crooked cops and the crime family hasn't been the same since. Remarkable Guiseppe's incarceration did wonders for Joelangelo's reputation who is now viewed as an ethical and honorable buisness man. But don't be foolish, like the magic city we live in his business was built with dirty money.

"Sal Tejaducchi and Sergio Valenti"- These two wise guys are often over looked and usually fly quietly under the radar. But one should never judge a book by it's cover, these two bite size wise guys pack a punch. Together these two little canolies have built up quite a crime family that should be feared. Given the fact that neither one of these guys went to college to officially become a true crime boss they somehow have earned the respect from the other Don's and Mafia leaders. With the addition of irish mobster Kevin Whalinagan the family's future should be prosperous. Their crimes include; two counts of starvation of a minor, deferring in the 2nd period to a known cradlist and lack of scouting.

"Father Moises Riviera"- In a town riddled with gangsters, wise guys and mafiosos there is always that priest and Father Moises is that guy. His parents must have known how he would turn out naming him "Moises" and all. This saintly man's sweat is the main ingredient in the cleaning product Windex, that's how damn squeaky clean he is. A man whose farts smell like potpourri and sound like an angel playing the harp, Father Moises is the modern day Elliot Ness in a city full of corruption. A man soooo good and pure the Pope himself wears Moises Pajamas. His crimes include; leaving the toilet seat up and driving too slowly in traffic. Last seen in Galviston, Texas saving drowning puppies and kittens.


"Angelo Chef Boy Vazquelinni"- This jolly heap of a man has been in the Mafia business for a while but can never seem to get out of his own damn way. Like a giant mole on the ass of mediocrity he plunders away trying to gain the respect of his peers and build his family. Only considered a crime boss because of his longevity and dedication to the business this man is one ravioli away from cardiac arrest. Angelo had "High" hopes about business this year but was blown away when he heard winter had come early. His crimes include; Sleeping in public, impersonating a coach and staying too long at a chinese buffet. Last seen busting through walls dressed as a giant pitcher of Koolaid.

"A-Ron Philly Harris"-Known to his peeps as "Philly' this upstart tru-gangsta is someone to keep an eye on. Born and raised in the mean streets of Philadelphia "Lil Philly" left his home turf because of some squablin that couldn't get squashed and now resides in the (305). Don't be fooled by his mild mannerness 'Lil Philly has be known to pimp slap a brother or two just for stepping on his new kicks. Highly educated but extremely dangerous Lil Philly is often heard humming the words to Tu-Pac's song "Just me and My Girlfriend". Philly could be identified by several tattoos; one over his belly that reads "Thug Lyfe", two tear drops on his left check under his eye and he is often seen wearing a blue bandana hanging out of his back pocket. Last seen in Lil Wayne's rap video "Millionaire" pouring a 40 on the ground for his dead homies. His crimes include; impersonating a barber and showing up late to gang fights.

"Milo Manolo Condana"- Gang leader of the street gang "Latin Kings" Milo's family defected here from Cuba during the Mariel boat lift. Born into a life of crime Milo could be seen often wearing camaflouge and shooting gang signs to his gang members. Milo is very soft spoken but when crossed can become violent and very aggressive. He is often heard yelling from his corner "what are you doing" and seen grasping his head in disgust at his gang members lack of fighting skills. His last whereabouts was at an MMA school getting choked out by some guy named Triago. He has been linked to a crime that happened many years ago when his seemingly invicible fighter appeared to throw a match against a smaller weaker opponent.

"Gonzalo Stingaree Blanco"- Legend has it that he and his brother are the sons of Griselda Blanco so evil is in their blood line. This little soft spoken Venezualian is the gang leader of the infamous gang "INP" or International Posse. He, his brother and his crew run **** in the weaker parts of town, north of flagler including little havanna. The other crime families are well aware of his existence and are watching closely as he slowly and methodically builds his gang into what soon could be a true Mafia. Some people believe that he and most of his gang are illegally in this country so "La Migra" could take them down before the other crime bosses have to. Last seen leaving the night club La Covacha with his shirt wide open, tons of gold chains, a white belt and wearing white espadrilles.

More to come soon.....

DR DOOM